THE NORTH RIDING PROJECT

RICK: Neil, the bathroom’s free.  Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta.

*

VYVYAN: I’m entering a context to win a Ford Tippex.  You have to say what Cornflakes means to you in ten words.  So I said: Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.  Cornflakes.

RICK: Pathetic.  You’ll never win, you know.

VYVYAN: Why not?

RICK: That’s only nine words.

*

RICK, VYVYAN, MIKE, NEIL [their bus has just gone over a cliff and crashed onto the ground below]: Phew!  That was close! [the bus explodes.  The credits roll].

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